Better get in Line

04/15/08

Have you ever stood in the “blocking the aisle” line on an airplane, waiting with the rest of the 100+ people in coach to use the bathroom? Have you observed people squeezing through those bathroom doors, questioning to yourself if they will ever be able to squeeze back out? If you ever wondered what goes behind those bifold doors, here are some reasons (and people to blame) for the tie-up that may spark the imagination.

Most everyone knows about the Mile High Club, but for those who don’t, it has nothing to do with Denver. Even actor Ralph Fiennes (whom I doubt was traveling coach) reportedly had a mile high experience last year with a Qantas flight attendant aboard an India bound flight (she is undoubtedly now an EX-Qantas flight attendant). While it may be exhilarating to “join” from the confines of your seat with a nice large blanket over you (not that I would know anything about that!!), I just can’t get excited about the thought of sex in an airplane loo. I mean come on, half the people on the plane can barely get their OWN pants down in one of those places. Anyway, I’m sure there are lots of creative people who actually get pleasure from contortions and leg cramps during sex.

Another possible reason for the bathroom back-up (and further delays) is the toilet backup. A passenger returning from the lav aboard a Canadian plane didn’t realize it at the time, but after overhearing flight attendants discussing a “suspicious device” found clogging the lav, discovered he dropped his iPod down the toilet. The scenario that followed would have been hilarious in a pre-9/11 world, but not today. The plane was diverted for an emergency landing, officials were called in and passengers were individually interrogated (for full story see http://www.orato.com/current-events/2006/08/29/don-039-t-drop-your-ipod-airplane-toilet?page=8)

The moral: leave your iPod at your seat or face the wrath of the TSA!!

And, finally, this just might answer why the TSA limits carry on liquids, gels and aerosols to just 3 oz. A passenger aboard an airliner in China was taking too much time in the lavatory and, when water was noticed coming out from under the door, the flight attendant opened it with a key. What a shocker!! There was a half naked man taking a bath in the toilet who asked the flight attendant for soap (did he think he was going to smell better bathing in the commode?). If he had more than 3 oz. he could have been in there for the entire flight!!

So next time you feel even the slightest urge to go, better get in line…..you never know just how long you’re going to have to wait……..